Forever Yesterday
by JapanCat
Summary: A bunch of slices from the lives of our favorite people in our favorite anime set sometime after the end of the series. Probably five years. The year doesn't actually matter. No, seriously.
1. Kuwabara's Mission

_Quick note... Uh... This is going to sit for a while so... Don't count on me updating quickly. Long story short, getting a new computer and I just happened to have these files on me. I'll apologize in advance for the long and possibly disappointing wait._

**Forever Yesterday**

**Notes: Hello, hello, hello. I have to redo this but that's perfectly fine because this story was fun to write. So some quick background... Um, I got this idea reading someone's work (though I'm not saying I'm specifically targeting their work. That's just plain rude and it's against my code of honor as a writer.) and thought about writing a parody like thing of all these continuation fics out there. (Except it's not much of a parody so it's... I dunno what this would be classified as...) After this anime ended all of a sudden everyone decided to write one of these it seems... I was actually going to do two, one of which became Battle of the Rising Sun, which mercilously was deleted. The other never took off because I simply didn't see a need for it nor did I have any cool ideas for it. Meh. Anyway, the stories aren't connected unless I tell you they are. The way I'm planning it there aren't many. So without further ado... we must begin. (Hey, you stole that last part from Linkin Park. Yeah, I know I did.)**

_1. Kuwabara's Mission_

Kuwabara awoke from a series of nightmares (but he was not turned into a vermin, Mr. Kafka) not knowing where he was. Disoriented, he stood up and turned around a few times to find something that he recognized, which he didn't. He decided upon going through the past he figured out the cause. The last thing he remembered was breathing in some chemicals that the demon he was pursuing happened to toss... Or that would have been the heroic way of putting it considering that the demon actually just shoved a towel in his face and forced him to breathe it in. Well, either way looked bad to him. _So this means I'm in Demon World. Crap! What am I gonna do now? I don't know anything about this place!_

Then an idea struck. _Wait! What was it that Kurama said?_

_"Don't lick doorknobs, Kuwabara. It's unsanitary." Uh, no!_

_"Quantum physics are actually quite simple, really. See all you..." Definitely not._

_"You'll never guess what happened to be on the sub this morning." Okay now._

_"Why is there a sock in this soup?" Hey, wait! When did that happen?_

_"Hiei probably won't come around here anymore. He's out doing patrol with Mukuro. Apparently it's time consuming but he says he still sleeps a lot." That! That's it! Hiei's on patrol so he'll come in a police car _(at which point Kuwabara discarded any doubts regarding Hiei's driving ability _I mean, can he even see the road if he's in a car?_)_ at some poinmt and then he;ll pick me up and help me get home! Yeah! That's a great idea! I mean, he has to, right? I bet he's a nicer guy too cause he's got a girlfriend now... I think! But I'll smack him if he's still the jerk he was before._

And so Kuwabara, determined to make sure he would be saved, waited. And waited. And waited until he fell asleep. Then he woke up again and heard some bushes rustling. He stood up, ready to fight and just as something came out he swung at it with his Spirit Sword, only to be blocked by Hiei's blade. For a moment Hiei looked surprised until he realized who Kuwabara was.

"Oh, great it's you," he grumbled.

"What? You little...! I was over here waiting all helpless and this is what you say to me after we haven't seen each other in over five years!" Kuwabara grabbed the demon by his shoulders and started shaking him.

"You're acting like you're doing me a favor and get your dirty hands off me!"

"Hey, I wash my hands... A lot! You're the one with nasty hands!"

"This isn't about hands! ...And I really do wash my hands. It disgusts me to know that I could potentially shake nine dirty hands out of ten if I actually shook people's hands. What're you doing here anyway?"

"Oh well, I had this mission and..."

"Tell me later. Just come with me. Regulation says I have to bring you back no matter what. I dunno what they ruled on dead people though. But you're obviously not in that category."

"Then why'd you ask?"

"Just shut up and follow me before I kick your dumb ass over there!"

_Ugh, so he's the same jerk he was before. I should kick him but..._ "Hey, wait, don't you have a car?"

"Do I look like I drove over here? And do you see any drivable roads? No, there, shut up!" And so they reached the... Fortress whatever that thing is that they travel in. Kuwabara then recounted the mission.

"Okay, so let me get this straight, you got kidnapped on your mission?" Nod. "I gotta ask. Is this your fifth or sixth one?"

"What? No, it was my first," Kuwabara replied.

"You what? That's sad."

"Hey, I saw first! Anyone can be kidnapped on their first!"

"Not if you were with Yusuke all this time! You should know better than to...! I should kick your dumb ass and make you walk home. You're just not even worth getting taken care of!"

"Hey, shut up! Just cause you can run a mile in less than a second doesn't mean everyone else can too!"

Mukuro walked in. "What's going on in here?"

"This fool got kidnapped on his first mission."

"...That's kind of depressing..." Long silence. "By the way, maybe you should quit BSing and get back to what you're doing. I'll deal with him."

"Okay." Twindles thumbs.

Kuwabara whisped, "You are so whipped." At which point Hiei flipped him off and left the room. He sighed. "Hey, do you know a way for me to get home? All I wanted was to come home and then he tells me he has to assess me or something."

"Well, not really. He's always just erased people's memories and then sent them out. Or maybe he wanted to bask in your failure. One of the two." And who knows what the other of the two was. "At this point there's probably a good way about thity five degrees from here."

Kuwabara stared at her like she was crazy.

"Look, just go south east and then you'll run into a worm hole. ...You don't need assistance do you?"

"God no!" Kuwabara quickly ran out.

Mukuro looked slightly offended. "I didn't mean in that way."

"Huh. So you met Mukuro," Kurama said after Kuwabara explained the whole incident. "Don't see her too often when I go over and visit. Apparently she has stuff to do. Hiei never tells me what it is though."

"Other than himself?" Kuwabara grumbled. "And you sure that's her? I was expecting someone a little more... You know... Taller? I dunno. There's something missing."

Yusuke entered the room. "Oh, Kuwabara, you're back, you loser."

"I'M a loser! You're eighteen and you still work in a noodle stand. Get a real job, fool!"

"Whatever. What'd you go all MIA for anyway? Get turned down by Yukina so you decided to go on a never ending quest to prove your worth?"

"No. I was on a mission."

"I haven't seen you since yesterday. It didn't sound like a hard one to me."

"Yeah, well, I got kidnapped so shut it."

"Kidnapped on your first mission?" Kurama asked as he cocked a brow. "That's..."

"I know! It's a failure! Those guys told me so! I get it!" Kuwabara growled.

"Well, I was going to say that it's unfortunate but if you wanna look at it that way..."

_WHY?_


	2. My Best Enemy

**Forever Yesterday**

**Hello, again. Thanks for coming back to see what I've got to say again today... Not much in my life going on to discuss here. And as you know, I refuse to continuously write disclaimers because it was understood the first time that the work is not mine. (And it's also stupid to read because people don't get too creative with them. Me included. Okay, well, I try to be.) Actually that's for those who know me. I doubt too many of you who returned actually knows how I am. You've probably seen my name once or twice but that doesn't tell you much... Meh.**  
**So this one's based upon this pet peeve I have about continuation stories. Of course Yomi and Mukuro have to be involved. They wouldn't stand on the sidelines while everything goes to hell. Or most likely would. That's the way most of those things go. Kind of like how Mukuro and Hiei are training in half the stories that turns them into a mushy couple. Well, Mukuro's arguable since she has no qualms about laying around all day... Anyway, the point is that these guys wouldn't get along after over five hundred years of dealing with each other. Yusuke's amazing but he's not the freaking ****League of Nations****... Er, ****NATO****... Er, The UN! Yeah! Whatever promotes peace successfully that's what Yusuke is not! Okay... So now then.**

_2. __My Best Enemy_

So it was a midsummer's day at noon at a park. At this particular park, Mukuro was waiting under a tree, wondering exactly what the hell a park was doing in the middle of Demon World anyway. She then decided to drop all logic and accept that there was a perfectly oak-like tree in a park that looked what a human would call "average." (Whatever that meant.) There was the sound of dragging feet and she turned towards the sound.

Yomi noticed she was there. "So we meet again."

"To my disdain, yes," she quickly replied.

"I noticed that there was some strange putrid scent in the air. Coincidentally, I do know the exact trajectory that it comes from. Care to guess what direction it is...?"

"Not really. I have better things to do with my time than to track down every scent I encounter. But I suppose you are also aspiring to become the first man to successfully describe the taste of water in light of your other accomplishments."

"I have men to do that for me. Have your dug themselves out of their graves or are they too mutilated to do so?"

"Depends on if your industrial workers have gotten enough sleep lately."

"Have you seen that Yusuke Urameshi around lately?"

"Yes, a couple of times. Are you asking with the intention of sneaking away with his children and eating them?"

"I should suppose you would do the opposite in order to prevent yourself from smelling like their flesh?"

"Are you asking to be an academic or is it supposed to be a reference for your own purposes?"

"I, unlike you, do no speak with the intention of sounding like I've read the dictionary. I try to be impeccable with my word."

"Except you used that in the wrong context."

"No, I didn't."

"Say what you want but the second you pick up a dictionary you'll see where you went wrong. By the way, have you been getting sleep lately, Yomi? Or have you been too busy listening to everyone waiting for someone to say something horrible about you so you can wring their necks?"

"I should ask the same for you. These days I'd suspect you'd have someone else do it for you, though. I would think that the children still tell each other to be good or you'll slaughter them."

"Oh you must be mistaken. I heard children in Grandara whispering to each other that they need to be good because Yomi is listening to them. Clearly you got us both mixed up. I could see the use in such things. You just love to indoctrinate your children."

"And you as well. Maybe that's why there's been in abomination implanted within you or has that man, whatever his name is, been unable to see himself touch you?"

"Your interest in my sex life in unsettling. Again, are you asking as an academic or is that a reference for your own purposes later?"

"You disgust me."

"Don't bring up a topic if you have no intention of continuing on."

"You didn't have to take it that far."

"Tough. YOU did."

"This is awkward."

"Quite so."

"Can't you say anything normally?"

"These days I can't. Pretty unfortunate."

"I don't know who I feel more sorry for you or that fool who lives with you. That's no contest, now is it?"

"I see where your son gets it."

"Gets what?"

"The inability to tell fact from fiction, or even just to figure out the difference between sarcasm and sincerity. I suppose as long as you look good it's true for you. But if you have to hear someone constantly complimenting you tongue in cheek, you would have that inability as well."

"I fail to see how someone who wears a mask should be able to criticize me on such things."

"You obviously aren't the brightest in the bunch if it took you until the Tournament to realize that I was a woman if your hearing is really that precise."

"You're… just… Ignorant."

"You concede."

Yomi sighed irritably. "Fine. Yes."

"That makes the score ten to eight, Yomi. I'm still in the lead."

"By two points. Don't forget that we have twelve draws."

"Draws don't count." There was a long silence.

"So same time, same day, same place tomorrow?" Yomi asked.

"I can't. I have something that day," Mukuro said. "Is Tuesday good?"

"No, my son has to keep me on my toes and try to kill me."

"That's sad. I can do it Friday after four."

"Five thirty. then."

"Okay. And I hate you."

"Yomi… That's really cheap. We already ended it."

"…I seriously do."

"The feeling's mutual."

"…Must you have the last word?"

"Yes."


	3. I'll Make a Man Out of You

**Forever Yesterday**

**Notes: Hey, again. I don't remember much about what was going on here but uh… Yeah… So here's just some stupid story that was going to go into Scenes from a Hat but I decided that I didn't know where it was going so I just ended it. Now I know what I wanna do with it but it's still stupid. (What the other two weren't or was I just trying to prove some point?) Basically it's based on what Shura's reaction to the whole thing at the end was. I always thought he was a little douche.****What, I did. Just being honest!  
Oh… And don't screw with Mukuro when she's sleepy. The consequences will be like when you see Dumbledore when he has a headache. (This came out darker than I thought it would have.)**

**3. I'll Make a Man Out of You!**

Mukuro was relaxing one day and just as she was about to drift off to sleep there was a knock at the door. She sat up, confused. She knew damn well that it wasn't Hiei coming over to complain about the patrol (to which she constantly challenged, and to which challenge he promptly changed the subject) because he barged in whenever he damn well pleased whether she wanted her alone time or not. For some reason, no one else was daring enough to bother her in her chambers, mostly because they didn't want to go in a wormhole to the eighteen hundreds, where people really did have chambers. She waited until the third knock before she opened the door. She was surprised to see Shura standing there with a piece of paper safety pinned to his chest.

"Hey, I'm here," Shura said as if Mukuro actually gave a crap if he was or not. Or maybe he knew she thought she might have been a little high off life.

"What in the hell are you doing here?" she asked. He pointed at the note on his chest and she tore it off. It read, "Please take care of me. :(" She looked at him, brow raised. "Really, kid? What happened to your father?"

"He didn't die or anything but he sent me on a mission to become a man."

"To… Why?"

"Because I'm coming of age. So I have to show my sense of responsibility and everything else that makes someone a man. …You should tell me how you did it."

"Get out."

"You still factor in it."

"I fail to see your point."

"I came here… To kill you!"

"Well, that's comforting."

"Wait we you thinking… You're disgusting."

"Kid, you see the stuff I've seen and you'll think the same way."

"I hope I don't get your blood on me. I really don't want what you have."

"…This is really gonna make you into a man for your father? You're just gonna walk up to him and say that you killed me and then you're instantly a man. That doesn't really…"

"Well, what is a man?"

"A miserable pile of secrets. But enough talk, have at you." Shura stared at her like she was crazy, and at this point, Mukuro was really thinking she was crazy. Then he pulled out a knife and started running at her. The door opened and Hiei walked in.

"What the hell is going on in here?" he growled. Everything stopped in midair. Internally, Hiei was happy because he just defied the laws of physics more than he already does.

Mukuro answered simply, "Oh Shura's here and he wants to kill me so he can become a man. It's the typical coming of age story, a real bildungsroman."

"I understood only that first part… No, I don't even understand that. You're just going to let this bastard kill you? What the hell's wrong with you? You've gotten weak…"

"Hiei…"

"Why don't you just get on a chair and hang yourself or slit your own throat or…"

"Hiei."

"Or suck some poison gas or…"

"Hiei!"

"What?"

"You don't really think this is the first time someone's tried to kill me, do you? And I've been through ones with much more skill and cleverness too."

He looked like someone dumped a bucket of ice water on him. "…Nice weather we're having today."

Shura resumed his attempt at knifing her but she kept stepping out of the way. Despite that, Mukuro still asked Hiei in the way a person asks someone across the table at breakfast, "Did you come here for any particular reason? Or did you just come to complain?"

"…Maybe I came for you…?"

"Doubt it."

"Dammit, bitch! Let me cut you!" Shura growled.

Mukuro groaned. "You're both stupid."

/-/-/

Mukuro walked up to a closet for some reason. Just when she opened the door, Shura jumped out with the knife in hand. She looked over. "Hey, could you hand me that yard stick that's next to your hand? Thanks?" She swung it a couple of times like a batter before she whacked him on the head with it.

/-/-/

Hiei walked into the room and saw Mukuro sleeping. He scanned the room for any sign of Shura. Once satisfied, he plopped himself in the chair and started relaxing. Then he came to a horrible realization. _What if he was hiding in the closet?_

He was about to open the door to the closet but then he remembered the _consequences_. He walked up to to Mukuro and shook her. When she woke up, she glared at him. "…I think he's in your closet."

"Dammit, Hiei. If he hasn't come out to kill me, then he won't until I go over there. Let me sleep for five minutes," she rolled over.

"But… But it's your _closet._ The one you don't want people going in."

"Okay, the longer he stays in there, the worse his punishment will become. If he stays in there a week, I'll make sure he never breathes without the use of a machine. Go away."

"Really, Mukuro."

"You're gonna object to someone's brutal slaughter. Ha. Funny. Screw you."

"You sleep all day anyway. You're not missing anything! And frankly, you can sleep when you're dead."

"That sounds like a challenge. I don't care. Really, Hiei. Go away."

"just open the damn closet already!"

She groaned and got up. She swung open the the door, snatched the knife out of Shura's hand, and growled, "Get the fuck out of there. Don't you fucking go in my closet."

Shura ran out, feeling like he died a little on the inside. Mukuro turned back and stopped in front of Hiei. They stared at each other and then Mukuro kneed him in the crotch. "And you should get the fuck out too."

"God, you just… That hurts!"

"I'm sure it does."

/-/-/

Once Hiei recovered, he walked out to see Shura standing in the hall, contemplating his next scheme. Shura noticed him there.

"Okay, seriously, what's your deal?" Shura asked.

Normally Hiei wouldn't answer a question like that, especially not someone he was really dreaming of slaughtering brutally. He did it anyway. "What do you mean?"

"Dude, you're always there wherever Mukuro is. I think you have something going on. I think you're in love with her or something. Or her mate."

"This isn't the eighteen hundreds. You can stop referring to her as a mate."

"…So you are?"

"I'm not in love with her and we have no relationship."

"Do… do you want to?" And then they put their hands in the air and said to the beat cause they had nothing left, "I don't wanna be in love, I don't wanna be in love." After a moment of awkward silence, Shura finally said, "You know, we're really the same. You and I. Everything."

"…No, we're not. That's not gonna work on me. I don't care how much you want to kill Mukuro and I don't care how much subconsciously I might be doing all that I'm doing for a reason I constantly deny until the levy breaks and then we both have some hormone induced and fanfiction induced fling. I don't even want you to harm a hair on her head."

"You broke the fourth wall at least three times in that whole speech. And you really turned my stomach with that image. Thanks a lot, random ass dude."

"That you even imaged what that looks like is disgusting in itself. You don't even know my name. That's just another level of failure."

"But if you kill her then you'll never have to worry about… whatever it was you just said. You know you wanna do it."

He was starting to feel some innuendo coming through. But that might just be because of his horrible history with women, mainly Mary Sues. "I'm putting you back in her closet and I'll make sure that she punishes you severely… Or I'll make sure that she… This… This conversation didn't happen."

"What?" Shura took a mental note to never come near these parts again, assuming that there was something wrong with the water. He then proceeded to his next plot…

/-/-/

Mukuro was talking to Kirin about the current state of affairs. Mukuro suddenly crouched and a cleaver flew right into Kirin's forehead. When Mukuro got up, she looked down at him. "Get that cleaver out of your head. That's rude, you know."

"…I taste blue…"

Mukuro pulled the cleaver and threw it over her shoulder, hitting Shura in the arm. "…Didn't your father ever tell you not to throw sharp things?"

Shura stared crying. "Didn't yours?"

"I'm going to slaughter you." And she said it with a slasher smile. Shura already knew that this was not going to end well…

/-/-/

Somewhere in Grandara, Yomi was sitting in his couch in his suddenly weepy self. "I sent him too early. There's no way he'll come back alive! Why did I send him away like that! Why am I so stupid? Why… I don't even remember what his voice sounds like!" And he started to sob in the corner as he listened to "Cat's in the Cradle."

There was a knock at the door. He opened it and Mukuro threw Shura into the room.

"Just take him back. I don't think I have the sanity to deal with him anymore," Mukuro said. And then she ran away before she heard Yomi's answer.

Shura said to break the awkward silence. "…Dad, never leave me."

"You didn't learn anything, did you?"

"…Fuck my life."


	4. Hiei's Secret Girlfriend

**Forever Yesterday**

Notes: Man, I'm on a roll here… Here's a really, really stupid one I've had in my head for a long time. By the way… I always thought the title "Secret Girlfriend" sounded like the Engrish title to a harem anime. I understand if you wanna slap me for this. I don't effing care anymore.  
It was better in my head. And I lost ideas at the end… Hiei totally was laughing inside until someone got hurt.

_Story 4: Hiei's Secret Girlfriend_

"Hey guys…" Yusuke waved at Kurama and Kuwabara as they approached the ramen stand. "Don't you two have anywhere else to go? Or are you actually gonna buy something from me this time?"

"So if I said to make me something and I said I hated it, would I get my money back?" Kuwabara asked with a smirk.

"Quit being a smart ass."

"You're a smart ass. Hiei was a smart ass. Why can't I have my moments?"

"Do we really need another one? And speaking of which, any one of you guys ever see Hiei lately? He said that he was going to come back at some point. Or at least to visit us. As far as I've heard only Yukina and Genkai's seen him."

"He's been making himself busy with the patrol. That's what he said the last time I saw him," Kurama said. "Funny thing was Mukuro came by while he was saying how he can't go and she said he has full permission to leave whenever he wants. But if you want to know his reason for staying… Well, he doesn't want to say. But considering that he actually has a solid place to stay… You know among other things he refuses to admit."

"Speaking of which… Where _did_ he go and sleep?" Yusuke asked.

"A tree? I don't know. And considering that he could actually come and go whenever he feels like it over there unlike here where he's always being watched by the Spirit World. He didn't exactly make a commitment when he said that he would come see us. In fact when we mentioned it, it was more like an afterthought. Just saying."

"Yeah, well the jerk never seems to want us there when _we_ visit him. He's pretty much washing his hands of us at this point."

People talk like that? "That's just the way he is."

"I would've thought he would have been a nicer guy after he got a girlfriend. I mean, everybody changes when they got a girl," Kuwabara said. Kurama shrugged.

"I got a good idea…" Yusuke gestured for the two to lean over closer. The two leaned in so far that they practically fell over the counter. He whispered his plan. Kurama immediately drew back.

"Hell and no," he replied simply.

"Fine, Kurama, because you refuse to cut your mop hair we won't have you do it," Yusuke said as he rolled his eyes.

"Oh, so if I don't cut my hair, then I definitely look like a…"

"Cut your hair you hippie!"

"My hair is just fine and it's everyone's fault that…"

"You're not doing it, shut up!"

"I dunno, Yusuke, isn't that a little…?" Kuwabara didn't even want to say it.

"If you wanna look at it like that. But you gotta admit it'll be the most epic practical joke ever. And have we ever seen his reactions to this kind of thing? No. So it's double the fun. And…"

"I'm not saying I won't do it, I'm just saying it… It's kind of gay… And how will we get the stuff to do this?"

"I've got it all taken care of. Just you wait. So let's gather on Saturday…"

"I'm not…" Kurama was cut off.

"We get it, Kurama! Shut up!"

-.-.-

Hiei was wandering the halls, minding his own business. Shigure gave him a weird look. He might have to take care of that later but at the moment… There was a series of knocks on the door. No one ever knocks on the door. There were several possibilities at this point. He opened the door to find a tall buff blonde woman and a shorter brunette woman, both of which wore thick layers of makeup and both of which happened to have abnormally large breasts.

The smaller woman put her arm around him. "Hey there, big boy. Looks like we came to the right place…"

Hiei felt something crawling up his throat. "…Yusuke… You're going… to explain… what the hell… is going on…"

"Dude, really. You already got it figured out? You're smarter than I thought," Yusuke said. "It took us three hours to get this right."

"Take… Take your hands off me… Holy shit…" He felt that a thousand showers would not make him clean enough. He noticed Kurama was standing there, somewhat amused. "What, you didn't get in on this too, you jack ass?"

"What, are you saying that I look like a woman…?" Suddenly Kurama gained the ability to make a slasher smile.

"I didn't say that at all! Just… Someone explain… And I should have known as soon as Kuwabara walked in. He's the worst woman I've ever seen…"

"Three hours work! At least say it's worth it! And you know you like the strong women, Hiei," Kuwabara replied. To add to the effect, he flexed his arms. "Yeah, you know that you'd totally want some of this if I was a chick."

"You guys are so gay. Get away from me."

At that moment, Mukuro happened to walk in the hall. "Hey, Hiei, I need…" She noticed the two guys standing in drag and her eyes widened in shock. She cupped a hand over her mouth to hold back the vomit, swallowed it, and said, "Yusuke Urameshi… It's been a while… E- enjoying yourself, are you…?"

And Yusuke went on like there was nothing picture unrelated going on here. "Yeah. So everything's going over smoothly here?"

"Y-yes… Q-quite so. A-and this is also your friend Kuwabara I've heard so much about…?" Kuwabara suddenly was aware of Mukuro's presence and immediately stopped his flexing and waved at her. Then he felt really bad for her. "Th-that's good. You keep doing what you're doing. Hiei, I'm going to need to you alone later. Once this is over. Thanks." She was obviously fighting the urge to run away screaming.

"Ooh, alone, huh?" Yusuke asked.

"You guys are assholes. And you just killed Kuwabara's image because now she'll think you're a… A queen," Hiei said.

"What, is she some kind of homophobe?" Kuwabara asked. Though what he really wanted to know was what she meant by Heard so much about… Considering that Hiei was pretty much the only person who could mention him to her. "Cause loves knows no boundaries! Like me and Yukina!"

"I don't know but she'll think you're weird." He walked away before the others could get a word in.

-.-.-

Once again, Hiei found a quiet room and sat there all alone. Just as he was about to get settled in came "the girls." And Kurama.

"Dammit, go away!" Hiei threw a rock at them. Or at least he thought it was a rock. Or maybe that was wishful thinking. Whatever it was, it didn't hit the intended target nor did it scare the intended target away. "Or can't you at least change out of that?"

"Hiei, do you see us carrying anything that would hold a change of clothes?" Yusuke asked. "This is what you get for never visiting us."

"What, are you five? Or some clingy girl in a angsty teen vampire romance novel?"

"We get it, you hate vampires. Just let it die already," Kuwabara said. "…I kind of want to get out of this. I feel weird…"

"You should! And you should know how unconvincing you are. Get the hell out of here!" Hiei growled. As an afterthought- "I never promised that I would visit you, anyway."

"You keep saying that they are but you never say why…" Actually Kurama was kind of enjoying Hiei's pain. Or seeing the plan backfire. But no one ever said that it couldn't be both.

"You mean other than the obvious? And Yusuke's really bad with symmetry anyway."

"What is it with you and boobs? I know they're always at eye level for you but come on, there's no reason for you to get a fetish…" Yusuke said.

"No, it's just obviously artificial if one's…."

"Say what you want. You know you have a thing for the boobs. And if I'm so bad at it, then fix it."

"You're disgusting."

"You're the one who pointed it out. Kuwabara, you wanna fix it so Hiei can be convinced?"

Kuwabara didn't want to do it, actually… "You got a yardstick?"

At that point Mukuro walked in. "Hey, Hiei…" She noticed the girls again… And Kurama. Her stomach twisted faster than a piece of taffy. You know if you twist taffy at all. She's going to have to make this one quick. "…I need a stapler so…"

Kuwabara noticed one on the table and held it up. "Is this one okay?" Apparently Kuwabara lived in a world where people usually had lucky staplers.

"No… I think…"

Kurama picked up another one. "You want this one?"

"No… I think… I think I can find one elsewhere."

Yusuke took the stapler and ran over to her. "What's wrong with it?" And he leaned in towards her.

"Nothing. Nothing at all. I just happened to remember that I did have one lying around. Just not in this room. I really ought be going I have to…"

"Take it. You know how much work it took for Kurama to find this one? It's only fair that…"

"It didn't take any effort. Now I really…"

He shoved it into her hands. "Take it, dammit." And soon as he touched her, she fainted… and her hair turned slightly white. "…Dude, people actually faint? That's so weird."

"You guys are dicks," Hiei grumbled.

"Have you ever seen her faint before?"

"No. But you're still a bunch of dicks."

"Yeah well, you're a bigger one and this isn't when it's a good thing."

"It never is." And he dragged her out.

"Wait, what?"

-.-.-

They tracked down Hiei again just as he was about to leave the building. At that point he wasn't wanting to give them a second thought. In fact, he was going to keep walking until they decided to turn around and walk away. Even if it took FORVER… FOREVER… FOREVER…

"Dude… So.. You coming back?" Yusuke asked after ten minutes of following him. Hiei turned around, gave him a go-to-hell look and continued walking. "Okay, so our idea didn't work out the way we wanted and Mukuro's probably not going to talk to us again… Or sleep for a week. And you're probably not going to get laid for a while either. But it's the thought that counts… Right?"

"Are you that dumb?" Hiei asked. "Shit."

"Well, me and Kurama are still cool, right?" Kuwabara asked. "I mean, you can't hate me more than Urameshi…"

"Kurama is okay. You're number two. But I hate you all." And he ran away.

"…You think he'll forgive us in a few weeks?" Yusuke asked.

Kurama looked at them both. "Well, gentleman, it's been fun but… Doubt it."

"Well, that sucks. You know he's laughing inside."

"You keep telling yourself that, Urameshi. You keep telling yourself that," Kuwabara sighed. And the other two left Yusuke to sit in the sudden-anime-weather snow and think about what he did.


	5. The Man Talks at Last

Forever Yesterday

Notes: It's currently opening night for _Godspell. _(the dresser) I probably shouldn't be typing back here but seeing how I have my computer with me and seeing how I currently have no internet signal… Yeah. Here's an interesting thing. I always thought Kirin had a man crush on Mukuro… Shigure probably did. Bui would too… If he ever met her only because she defeated Hiei. And she's a woman so it's a double plus good.

(Why is this called "Forever Yesterday" if this is after the series is over? This doesn't make any sense?) Also- I'm a supporter of Hiei/Mukuro if you haven't met me on that side before. I'm not going to write that in here really. Not unless it's important. And in this case, it somewhat is. (You don't see it really though…)

"The hell she updated at midnight? Who does this?" (Blame Godspell. Plus people around here can't shut the hell up.)

Story 5: The Man Talks at Last

Kirin, Shigure, and Hiei were relieved of their duties for the day and decided to set out for the nearest bar to unwind. For those concerned with details, Hiei was sitting in between the two larger men so he was pretty much squeezed in the middle. Considering that the two complained that he mumbled too much, it was kind of a given that he would have to sit there. (And these days he kind of was a soft-spoken guy. He had no idea why. Okay, maybe the press thought they knew.) So they sat there, a scene that would put the cast of _Cheers_ to shame.

"There was this stupid guy who sat up when I was wiping his memories away. And he kept screaming. Had to have someone knock him out for it to work," Hiei said. He rubbed a temple and groaned at the thought of relieving it.

"So your job and knock him out yourself," Shigure replied. He took a swig of his drink and went on, "At least we know why he was screaming… The guys I was with were thinking you were torturing him."

"Those fools in the room need to work too. All they do when I'm in there is stand around and watch me do stuff. You know how much work I do all day? Why do I have to do everything?"

"What, work?" Kirin turned to him. "You sleep all day is what you do and at the end of the day you sleep some more. The hell kind of crap of that?"

Hiei rolled his eyes. But he wasn't going to tell them about his sleep schedule. He had his reasons for sleeping so much. Reasons so secret not even he knew what they were. All he knew what that he knew how to live and all those other mofos can be as jealous as they want. "And all you do is complain that people complain too much and then you brag about how much you know Mukuro better than we all do. And then Shigure sits there and bitches some more."

"I have reason to complain," Shigure said. "I have to work with you too fools." He nudged Hiei like they were in a forties cartoon.

Hiei also hates cartoons. Especially from the forties. "That's what all whiners say. But I'll give you credit for not being a pompous a-hole like Kirin."

"Po- I hardly think a lazy-ass like you should have a right to say anything," Kirin growled. "You're not any better then. You walk around looking like, 'Oh Mukuro loves me the most and you can all go to hell.' And then you probably go and tell her that we all don't do anything."

"I once said something like that and she gave me a look like she knew I was full of shit and. I look like I think I'm…? Not really. I just hate you all. There's a difference. I don't see why you always seem to bring her in anymore. What's done is done."

"Meaning what?" Kirin was holding his hands up like he was one step away from wringing Hiei's neck.

"I don't know but it's been done."

"Be honest with us here. Tell me that you don't have something going on."

"You're interested. Really? Is that any business of yours whether we've touched each other or not? Why do you need to know?"

"Answer the final question- Do you and Mukuro not have a relationship and have you or have you not gone all the way? We're all guys here."

"Yeah, and one of us has an agenda." Hiei rolled his eyes and chugged down the last of the drink. "Look you- I have no interest in that sort of thing. At all."

Kirin jabbed him with a finger. "So you mean to tell me you have no attraction for her? I doubt that."

"Really Kirin?" Shigure said. "You have something you want to tell us?"

"Oh… I have nothing. I just want to know the answer like everyone else. Besides people want me to tell them the final answer."

"…One. I may be asexual but that doesn't mean I don't let people hug me or anything. Just saying," Hiei replied. They both looked at him like he was crazy. "It means I don't give a shit about sex, you idiots." They were going to deal with that last comment later. But for now, they were going to accept that he explained something. "Two- Kirin when he was number two said how much he loved Mukuro and being her second-in-command. It almost bordered on the erotic. It was disturbing."

"Hey, you're… Oh god, you're right…" Shigure swallowed some vomit down. "Maybe you have something to confess…"

"Especially now it's gotten worse…"

"Okay, there's something."

Kirin stared at them. They stared back. He stared more. They stared more. He stared at his glass, picked it up, then slammed it down. "Okay, have you looked at her? Tell me you wouldn't enjoy hitting that? And have you looked at her…? I mean… She's got the perfect figure. It just makes you want to grab her…"

"Have you looked at the right side of her face?" Shigure asked.

"It's just her face…"

"No, it's most of her body," Hiei replied. Thy both stared at him (and Kirin with some jealousy). He shrugged. "If you wondered how I found out she was a woman before anyone else… She said she would show me her face. And that's how I know. And if you look at her neck then it would be obvious."

"Okay… Then it's still there," Shigure said, feeling uncomfortable with both of them.

"…I'd still plow that all night. I'd plow that so hard. I'd make her scream…" And he stopped to think that through.

"While he calms down…" Hiei sighed. "You think we should bring that nose guy with us one day?"

"The nose guy?" Shigure racked his brains for it. "Oh that guy… I don't see why not. We need someone normal with us. I don't know why we hired him… I seems like he's your Don't-look-at-my-third-eye-look-at-nose-guy."

"Does he have a name?"

Shigure looked at him like he was stupid. "Everyone has a name. Are you stupid?"

"Not everyone has a name actually. And I know that he has a name. If you're so damn smart, why don't you tell me his name?"

"I don't know what it is."

"He's useful. He just follows me around. It's annoying as hell. Just when I think I'm alone there he is following me. And I ask him what he's doing he just walks away."

"you must smell interesting. You look like you would smell like beef or some kind of meat. He probably works more than you do."

"And you, you bitching ass."

"Better that than a dumbfuck rabbit."

"What?"

"They like to bone. A lot."

"Right. Everyone knows that. I just never thought anyone would use a weird comparison like that for…"

Shigure wanted the final answer still. Not that he had any reason to wonder. It was just a nagging question. "…But have you?"

"No. She's not particularly interested in that kind of thing anyway. So nothing is being held back. There. Now from now on you can't ask because I answered you."

"So if I were to walk in and nail her, you wouldn't be missing anything?" Kirin asked. He probably was looking hopeful but neither could tell because he has that damn mask on his face. He was probably a bald guy with a bird face… That's what the newspapers said.

"Really? And just because you want to doesn't mean that she's going along. You said yourself that she blew that other guy to bits for giving her some smart-ass comment. Imagine what she'd do if you jump on her like that," Hiei replied.

"After I'm done with her…"

"Dude, shut up. She hasn't given you a second thought. If she really thought you had something she wants she would have asked for it before. Just give up."

"I will kill you and then…."

"Someone make him stop." Shigure groaned. "I'm getting nasty mental images. The last thing I wanna think about is doing something like…" He got up. "You know what? It's been nice talking to you gentlemen. I think I'm going home and go take a shower and vomit."

"I think I'll do the same…" Hiei walked out with him.

"You watch your back, Hiei! I know what you're gonna go home and do! I can do it better! I can… Just watch me…!" Kirin screamed from the table as the two walked out. The farther away they got away from him, the more he took it as a victory.

And Hiei experienced fridge horror. "…Oh god, he just asked me to…"

"It's okay, kid. I feel your pain." And Shigure gave him a hug.

"…Don't touch me." Shigure backed off. "I think you have skeletons in the closet that need to come out of the closet."

"…We're all bisexual anyway. And you did say that you wouldn't say no to a hug." Mostly because Hiei's father never hugged him. And we all know that's why he's kind of mean guy.

"…Fair enough. Just don't touch me."

Kirin stood in the doorway. "I mean it, man! You watch me! I'm gonna screw her until she doesn't know left from right and then she'll be all mine and we'll… marry and I'll plow her some more and…"

And all the non-trailer trash folk in the bar walked out, threw slugs at him, and screamed, "Shut the hell up!"


	6. Life After Death

Forever Yesterday

Notes: Uh…Yeah… Still dresser in _Godspell… _Still bored. Not really. This part is funny. ("Turn Back O Man" is playing right now.) (Actually at this point, I'm done with the play.)  
I think Mukuro and Raizen could have been friends if they weren't forced to be on different sides of the battle field. I mean, she was basically still telling Yusuke that she… Well, it sounded like they had a love-hate relationship kind of. You know what I mean. I don't think they really hated each other. Yomi… I dunno. I think he hated them both.

Story 6: Life after Death

It was official. Raizen had been dead for one year. This was the exact same day he had died seven years ago. It was late in the night when Mukuro set out to his grave, knowing that most people would have left his grave by then. It was a couple of hours until the anniversary of the death, or in _Harry Potter _terms, his deathday would be over. A few flowers in her hand, she walked to his grave and kneeled. She stared at the grave, remembering all those years ago when she and Raizen had been struggling for power. The day when Raizen said that he would no longer eat humans, signing his own death certificate as they all knew it.

She placed the flowers on his grave. She looked down and she smirked. "So take that you fuckface."

And Raizen's ghost came back. "Who the hell are you?"

"This is Mukuro. I thought you would have figured that much out." I mean, she dresses the same all the time. But Raizen wasn't sure he wanted to look at her clothes again once he came to the horrible realization that she was basically a rainbow. Like, OMG, who dresses like that? That is like _so_ not his type.

"You are _not_ Mukuro."

"You are no longer an S class, Raizen."

"Holy shit, you _are_ Mukuro."

"Why does everyone associate that sort of thing with me?"

"Because you say pretentious and over analytical things like that. You tend to spend three hours just giving a yes or no answer." And then Raizen smirked because he knew that he had nothing to fear because he was already dead anyway. The only thing he had to fear was… Well, he didn't really have the fear the reaper, did he? Especially Botan.

Actually Mukuro didn't give a shit anyway. It's not something Hiei hadn't told her five thousand times already. "Just take your damn flowers."

"I hate flowers. You know that."

Actually, how would she even know that he hated flowers? Did a spy tell her that and thus she dedicated her life to annoying him via flower bombs? "That's exactly the point, Raizen. I think there are some more flowers around here."

"You bitch. You know everything makes perfect sense now."

She cocked a brow. "I'm sure it does." Mukuro paused and turned around and saw Yomi walking in that direction, practically dragging an annoyed Shura with him. She turned back to Raizen. He was just sitting there, looking deadpan.

Yomi walked to the grave and he bowed (and forced Shura to do the same) to show his respects. Then he stood up straight, standing tall. And then he stepped to the grave and spat a large glop of spit directly on Raizen's name.

"Dammit, Yomi, quit spitting on my grave. It's getting old," Raizen growled.

"You do this all the time?" Mukuro asked. She was more jealous because she didn't come up with it before.

Yomi ignored Mukuro. "I've also been teaching Shura to do the same. He's getting pretty good with it."

Raizen turned to Shura, frowned. Then he knew what to do. He stood up and walked to Shura, put his hands on his shoulders, and he said, "_Your mother sucks cocks in hell._"

Shura shreiked. "No she doesn't! Does she, dad?"

"Uh… I guess not…" Yomi shrugged. He was starting to miss being an innocent child. Oh wait, that was someone else's childhood. And that was in a book, too. Damn, why do demon childhoods suck so much?

"…He doesn't know what that is and he's how old?" Mukuro asked. "I mean, I knew everything before I was seven."

"What? You have terrible parents, then Mukuro," Yomi growled.

"…This was way before you were born. People never had good family values. Ever." Or at least she never knew what a good family nucleus was. She didn't know anyone with a family nucleus. _If a family's a nucleus, what's the cell that they're controlling?_ She was going to have to put that in her livejournal later. "Furthermore you know that you would have known what all this is?"

"Is it really…" Shura began.

Everyone joined in a collective, "Don't ask!" Then it was silent for a whole five seconds. Then they all turned around when they heard some small shuffles coming their direction. It was Hiei, who was looking extremely confused.

"Who's this fool?" Raizen asked.

"It's Mukuro's lover," Yomi answered. He knew Mukuro gave him a look. "Don't act like it isn't happening. Don't you remember the end to episode one hundred nine?"

"Yomi, that was the anime and the anime is noncanon, therefore your argument means nothing at all," Mukuro replied.

"What? You're breaking the fourth wall!"

"_You're _breaking the fourth wall." And Hiei just sat there watching this tennis match. He was just starting to wish he had some popcorn when he realized the eyes were all on him again. And them he gave them a look like he wished they all would leave like he always does. "Hiei, what are you even doing here anyway?"

"…People kept asking me where you were and then I got tired of it and came here. They act like I'm your keeper," Hiei replied.

"Funny, because they act like I'm your mother sometimes."

"Who's the ghost you're talking to anyway?"

"It's Raizen, you should have figured that out yourself."

"…How am I supposed to know that?"

"How old are you?" Yomi asked. "Everyone knows who Raizen is."

"…I dunno. Under a hundred or something," hiei answered with a shrug.

"…This should be illegal."

Hiei immediately knew what he meant. "But nothing's…"

"Hiei, don't say something you'll regret," Mukuro said. And it was all kinds of awkward. And then everyone got out dictionaries to find out different forms of awkward. And then they decided to stop wasting time and talk it over a couple of beers and cheetos.

Raizen then turned to Hiei and asked him his name. Hiei (reluctantly) did so. Something told him that he should just give in and tell him anyway. Then Raizen said, "_Your mother sucks cocks in hell._"

Hiei had a blue screen of death and stood there with his eyes rolled back on his head, mouth wide open. They all stared at him. Okay, everyone but Mukuro.

"…He does this when you talk about his mother for some reason," Mukuro said. They didn't want to know how she knew that or even how many times she's seen this happen. "When he wakes up, I'm telling him to get you some flowers, Raizen."

Yomi, not wanting to be outdone, then proceeded to spit on Raizen's grave again.

"You know I wish you would learn to let a man just die in peace. Every day someone comes and cries like, 'Why did you…?'" Raizen paused when they heard footsteps coming their way. It was Hokushin.

Hokushin dropped to his knees, his eye growing heavy with tears. And screamed, "Oh King Raizen, why did you have to die?"

"Im rite here lol," Riazen replied. Then Hokushin fainted from the sheer… whatever that was. "See what I mean? Why doesn't anyone cry to you people? Why don't you two take up the slack and make them happy without me being there? the hell are you doing that isn't making them forget?"

"I'm traveling the world to see the wonders that I have missed…" Yomi said thoughtfully. he would have twirled his beard if he had one. Seeing how he's not a goat and seeing how he shaves every morning somehow, he's unable to do so. So all he could so was bishe sparkle. It actually turned the guy's stomachs. And Mukuro almost puked. Mostly because she's not into that kind of thing. She would have been in a shojo manga if she were. Also, Yomi also traveled so that along the way, Shura will learn something about himself and journey easily into adulthood.

You know, without having to expose him to dead bodies under the bridge.

"Well, I have to control the patrol to make sure that everyone stays in order… Along with actually not having Spirit World breathe down my neck…" Mukuro said with a shrug. You know, once the horror of Yomi's bishie sparkle was over. There's this girl that came over a couple of time with Yusuke Urameshi. I have a feeling it might have something to do with making sure I'm in check." And she was pretty happy because it wasn't her birthday and no one exposed her to the Annoying Orange yet. Hell, let's put all the emo vampires in there too since you can't turn a corner without one anymore.

Hiei came back from his Blue Screen of Death long enough to hear everything she said. "That was Botan. Yusuke probably said something to her."

"About what?"

"So you mean to say that you're busy doing the patrol but you have time for both of you to walk away like this without someone getting worried or confused? This must happen often," Yomi said.

"It's late. You know that. It's hard work," Mukuro replied, rolling her eyes. "I'm more dedicated to it than you think."

"Yeah, doing that and sleeping with this guy." And then Hiei was… well, he was really going to have a nosebleed at the thought of- but instead he Blue Screened of Deathed again. And then Yomi realized that Shura was still there.

"What's so wrong with…?" Shura began.

"Don't ask, Shura," Yomi growled.

"…_He means sex_," Mukuro said just to spite him.

"Oh that? Yeah, that makes sense now… That's also disgusting…" Shura replied.

"Who told you such things?" Yomi asked. And there was a dramatic thunderbolt. At this point, Mukuro was really wishing she could be theatrical enough to change the weather like that. Raizen was thinking Yomi was an amateur because he could cause storms in his sleep… when he felt like it.

"I saw it on Youtube!"

"You- What the hell is youtube?"

Hiei came back from his Blue Screen of Death at that point. "It's a website. I use it to watch the singing Gandaran guy."

"I love that video!" And Shura's face was a clear :D at that point. And so the two went on and discussed things like WOW and Halo… and the evils of fanfiction websites.

Yomi was so appalled that it started to snow.

Raizen turned to Mukuro… "I think we're the only normal ones here."

Mukuro really wished Yomi would give lessons.


	7. BFFs

Forever Yesterday

I am listening to too much Fall Out Boy… And I don't wanna stop.

Uh… Not sure what I have to say for myself this time. The humor's been dumb the past few chapters. I'm going to try and make it smarter. By the way, I'm thinking of stopping at number ten. I have another idea I want to work on. But… You know.

Story 7: BFFs

Yusuke and Kuwabara showed up at Mukuro's… traveling centipede thing. It has a name, they just never remembered what it was. Kuwabara remembered writing it on his hand so he wouldn't forget, but he had to use the bathroom shortly after and happened to take the recommended thirty second hand-washing session, thus erasing his hope to ever remember the name without badgering Mukuro. Again. (She was happy to tell him the name for some reason. That's probably why he didn't really want to keep asking. Oh, and there was that one time she told this creepy joke that kept him up for a few weeks. It didn't help that Hiei thought it was hysterical. Wait, when'd that happen? Also, Kuwabara assumed he just thought it was a great joke just so he could get laid. But those are such trivial details.) The point was that these two friends-Kurama couldn't come because he had to work or something. Kuwabara forgot his excuse, which he also wrote on his hand shortly before using the restroom.-happened to walk into this particular vehicle on this particular day, with a white bucket full of Gatorade, starry eyed. And then they realized they forgot to remove their star contacts and did so.

They looked around the room. No sign of Hiei. Mukuro happened to walk in.

"Hey, Mukuro, you know where Hiei is?" Yusuke asked, trying with little success to hide the bucket behind his back.

"He's out there doing something. He's been going out lately," she replied, eying the bucket with curiosity. "He's probably out there trying to be king or something." She looked disgusted at the thought. Yusuke figured she was thinking she would need to top him and become king/queen/whatever's her poison and be even more bad ass than he was. "I'm guessing that bucket full of… What the hell is that? Urine?"

"It's Gatorade!" Then he realized that she was so classy she might have never heard of the stuff before. "Uh… It's this drink we…"

"Yusuke, I know what Gatorade is. You think I'm stupid? Next you'll be explaining what cheese is."

"Okay, if you're so smart, what's cheese?"

"It's a disease right?" There was a long, awkward silence. "It can cause disease if rotted?" Okay, that might be right. "So what exactly are you planning to do with all that Gatorade?"

"I dunno. Dump it on him. Drown him in it? But afterwords we're gonna go on an adventure. But as usual he's out. What a douche."

Kuwabara kicked the bucket over. Only because he forgot that it was full of Gatorade. (That note was also washed off his hand.) Just at that moment, Hiei walked in the room and stared at the yellow liquid on the floor.

"…Okay, which one of you sick bastards…"

"Quit with the toilet humor, you guys! I thought we were above this!" Kuwabara growled. "It's freaking Gatorade and the water sucks and lay off the beavers you sick sons of waves. Go have yourselves some coffee with crème or something because this was a happy place until Hiei showed up with his Rasputin beard! Gaaaaah!"

At the mentioning of a beard, Hiei put a hand on his face and remembered that he was clean-shaven. And then he remembered it took his three years just to grow a moustache anyway. "Right. What's going on here?"

"Mukuro said that you're too busy to hang out with us because you're always trying to be king and that you never do the dishes or tell her when she does something with her hair and that you sleep after sex!" Yusuke replied.

"Uh… I never said anything of the sort," Mukuro cut in.

"Well, doesn't he?"

"Not all of it."

"Which parts?"

"Does it matter?"

"Well, I have duties that I would want to do when I…" Hiei was interrupted.

"Like people getting special privileges every inch shorter than five feet," Kuwabara replied.

"I hate you both. This is why I never want to hang out with you."

"Well, fine, short shit. Then we'll take Mukuro and have an adventure."

"Mukuro doesn't want to hang out with you."

"…I wouldn't mind," Mukuro said. Probably just to spite Hiei. Hiei looked at her like she was speaking German or something. And if she were, then he would have reason to be confused since all the demons were Japanese anyway.

"Well, screw you, then Mukuro. Go do what the hell you want then. You don't need to be here anyway." Hiei crossed his arms and turned his back to her.

"…Could you do the dishes since I won't be home to do it then?"

"Mukuro, you don't do that and there aren't even any dishes to do!"

Needless to say, it got really awkward at that point. Actually Yusuke was wondering what she even saw in him. Or what he saw in her. Or if they knew how creepy their relationship was… Oh, and… Crap, Yusuke remembered that he forgot to turn off the stove. Anyway…

/././

So the four stood on a street corner. Then they stopped and watched as some hot blond schoolgirl walked by. Yusuke turned to them.

"Dude, did you see…?" He paused when he realized that they weren't a party of four guys anymore. It wasn't that Hiei had a lot to contribute in these types of things. It was the thought of ogling a girl in the presence of a girl. "Uh… This is awkward."

Kurama let a silence sit for a few minutes. "…There was a hot guy that walked by earlier."

"Dude!"

"What, if you wanted to be inclusive… Though if this is your idea of an adventure, I think I might just leave. I could be cleaning my mom's garage right now."

"You like to clean her garage? What the hell?"

"You would too, if you saw an evil clown in there!"

"Good point." there was another long silence.

"…I would hit that," Mukuro said. Probably just to make them all uncomfortable. And she was pretty good at that. Especially considering that even Kurama was confused. She still wasn't good enough to scare God as well.

"So what do you wanna do, Urameshi?" Kuwabara asked.

"I dunno, man. Hiei just never comes with us so I never planned this far…" Yusuke thought long and hard and realized that he needed to stop watching _Whale Wars _so he could get ships out of his thoughts. "I mean, we don't have any crime to fight really and I think Koenma might get mad if we become vigilantes…" Then an idea came to him.

And it punched him in the face.

/././

"Let's paint Mount Fuji red!" Yusuke waved a bucket around.

Kurama's face drooped in dismay. "Can't we paint it a nicer color like purple? And you know the United States already tried to do that?"

"Or we can mess with everyone's heads and just paint it every color at the same time. No one can ever recover from that," Mukuro said.

"Mukuro, what do you have against Japan? You know how much it'll ruin us?"

"Japan killed Raizen."

"Japan didn't kill Raizen. Malnutrition killed Raizen."

"…You prick."

"I thought death kills everyone," Kuwabara said. There was a long silence. "Good jorb, Kurama, you just made Hiei's girlfriend think we're all douches because you insulted the king that everybody loves for some reason."

"Not even Raizen likes Raizen," Kurama replied. "I don't see why insulting her enemy made any difference."

"Raizen was twice the man you ever were, Kurama," Mukuro replied.

"…Lady, you have something you're not telling us."

Awkward silence. "…We crank called each other on regular intervals and then we decided to call about how things were going. And there was another awkward phone call that involved drugs. There were a few I don't want to remember anymore. But even so he's still twice the man you are."

"Man, I don't wanna do this anymore. Can't we go back to the corner?" Kuwabara whined. "Not to look at girls or anything. I just liked it better there. I'm cold here."

"Fine. But if we stand there for twenty minutes and nothing cool happens, then I'm dragging us all up mount… Mukuro give me a random mountain because you're the smart one here," Yusuke replied.

"Wait… _What?_" Apparently Kurama was determined not to give up his position as the smartest guy on the team to some girl who happened to be… doing something with his friend maybe and he may or may not have been doing that before. but that was his friend. And… What was he complaining about again?

"Uh… Mount Everest?" Mukuro didn't think she wanted to play anymore.

"Yeah, Kurama, we'll go to Mount Everest and dance in goat suits or something! So there!" Yusuke pointed at him, completely forgetting that Kurama was only objecting to Mukuro being the smart one. Or at least that's what this writer thinks is going on.

/././

So they stood ion the corner, exchanging cigarettes and having some moonshine. Or at least, that's what Yusuke's ideal situation would be. Instead, they sat there eating Wendy's or something. Then a familiar face appeared and Yusuke sprung into action! Then he got off his stupid pogo stick, handed it to Kuwabara and he ran to pounce on Rando.

"You bastard. Walking around again looking for trouble. Well, you're not getting the spirit wave form me, d bag because I'm mean and green and… I'm the motherfuckin Mazoku!" Yusuke shook him with every word. "So say something scumbag!"

"What the hell? I was just let out for good behavior. I'm a changed man, see? I sew little booties for abandoned children," Rando reached into his pocket and pulled out a bundle in all colors that Yusuke could think of, which were only red, orange, white, and green. "So please, I don't want any trouble."

"If you're such a changed man, we're Hiei's booties?" He paused. "Mukuro, was Hiei an abandoned child?" She nodded and then told him that she was too. "And hers too? Huh? Yeah, you're just a dick now."

"Wait, Mukuro? You mean like the king?"

"Yeah. And she's a woman, too, you bitch! And Samus is a girl, too."

"Damn you, I was going to play that game! At least I don't know the end of _Crisis Core_, _Star Wars_, and _Titanic_."

Spoiler alert, guys. "Zack dies, Darth Vader's Luke Skywalker's dad, and the Titanic sinks. Happy frickin day. And if you mess with us again, Mukuro'll come kick your ass like she used to an then Hiei'll take turns kicking your ass too!"

"No! Anything but that!"

"Who is this guy?" Kurama asked to which Kuwabara handed him volume four of the manga somehow. To which Kurama dropped everything and said, "You know what? If we don't take Mukuro back right now I'm leaving and cleaning my mom's garage."

"…I… I can go with that," Mukuro replied with a shrug.

"_You're not supposed to agree with me._"

"Fine. That was a horrid idea, Kurama. Let me get my rope so you can tie me up and drag me home." She was just tired of his shit.

And everyone thought there was some hidden innuendo that they all missed there. But they all agreed. You know, until Kurama ordered them all to tell him that he was a jerk for ruining their fun.

/././

So they returned home. Just as they walked in the door, Hiei appeared with a mirror in his hands, looking a little sad. They all waited for him to tell Mukuro something about eating a cookie he made her.

"I couldn't find any dishes so I found a mirror in the closet and I put food on it so I could wash it since you wanted me to wash the dishes like you say I never do," Hiei said. Actually Mukuro forgot all about that.

She took the mirror and wiped a finger on it. Dammit, he… Oh wait, he missed a spot. But still. "…I love you so much."

Hearts, flowers, sunshine, teddy bears.

"Hiei, people are in the room."

"…Hell." They were both red… And the other three weren't sure if they wanted to know the story behind this one.


	8. Friends that are Worlds Apart

Forever Yesterday

Notes: I might drag this out to fifteen things. Depends on how I feel. I'm being wishy-washy with whether or not I wanna start this new idea. I think only maybe five people are reading these things. Meh. So… Here's just something I always wondered about patrol. You don't hear about Hiei's being on border patrol until it's important. (Well, don't act like it isn't border patrol. Making sure nothing bad goes on between the dimensions. Kind of.) So… Yeah.

Mukuro never really meets anyone. She's like the fifth wheel or something. Except not. You ever wonder what it would be like if Yukina met Mukuro? I ran out of ideas at the end.

8. Friends that are Worlds Apart

Yusuke stood at the ramen stand, watching as people came and went. He sighed, wishing he could be one of them instead of working here. The guy sitting at the counter finished his food and left it there. Yusuke picked up the bowl and tossed it in a pile for it to get washed. He noticed there was a huge splotch of wasabi on the counter and wiped it up, only to remember that there was a stain there.

_What the hell, man? I'm starting to get where I can't even stand to see a stain anywhere anymore._ He started to think that maybe he should try and get a better job somewhere somehow. Then again, the fact that he would have to find a way to make up the schooling he missed out on didn't seem like the option he wanted to take.

Someone walked to the counter. Yusuke was about to say his usual greeting when he noticed it was Kurama… again.

"Don't you ever make your own lunch?" Yusuke asked.

"You realize I'm maybe a block away from you, right?" Kurama replied, with a shrug. "I never really feel like making things myself."

"So you have your friend go and make it for you."

"Yeah. That sounds about right."

"You douche." There was a long silence. "So you want the usual, right?"

"Now it's the usual? And yes." There was another long silence. "So is the weather getting you down right now or are you having _that_ day?"

"What's _that_ day?"

"Bored and then you think you're wasting your life away…"

"Dude, maybe you have those days but you probably could outlive us all. Maybe Hiei, too. How old is that guy anyway?"

"Under a hundred. That's all I know. But don't act like you don't have days like that sometimes."

Yusuke cocked a brow and then gave him his order. "Maybe you do but I'm okay with being here. It's just slow when I come in during the day. The night people are great. But if you're that damn bored, then why don't you just up and go work with Hiei and all of them or something? You know they got twenty-four hour adrenaline."

"I doubt it. I wouldn't want to go."

"Why? You'll actually see Hiei for once and then Mukuro's pretty cool." Kurama just stared at him. Yusuke understood. "So she either creeps you out so bad or you look at her and imagine her and Hiei doing it. Wait, those two can combine…"

"Yusuke, maybe you think of that when you see them, but I don't."

"Try not to think about it man. As long as he's okay with that kind of thing, then I guess it's cool with me. Even if we say no, we know he'll just do it harder, anyway."

"Yusuke, really?" Actually now that he thought about it, that would be what Hiei would do, you know, assuming that he doesn't reject the whole thing outright like he usually does. Right, Yukina? Kurama sighed, suddenly noticed the stain on the counter, and tried not to look at that. He wasn't supposed to be working right now. "No, she… Look, Yusuke, you ever meet her on the street? Or you remember the tournament? You ever notice that people kind of give her weird looks and try to avoid her?"

"I just thought it was because she was a girl like Samus. Or that her messed up side of her face kind of scares them."

Dammit, Yusuke, Kurama was going to play that game. Now how will he be able to play it knowing that spoiler? Well, at least, it would explain _Super Smash Bros_ to him. "Yusuke, didn't Raizen teach you anything?"

"Uh… Yeah, him and Mukuro were secret buddies or something. He mentioned her a few times. One was about national stereotypes, another was about double-teaming with her, and the last was… I think it was the same as the first, actually." He shrugged.

"She did some unforgivable things when she was in power."

"Like Avada Kedavra?"

"Yusuke!" Kurama sighed. Though he was surprised Yusuke even knew what that was or even bothered to read _Harry Potter_… Oh wait, there were movies, weren't there? "No, like mass-killing type things. There's a huge gap in her records about people missing in her state that she can't explain. And she did things before she was king that was pretty ugly too."

"Actually that gap's there because Hiei accidentally burned some records for some reason. I think he was drinking that day. I don't think she knows how it happened." Yusuke shrugged. He stared at the people passing by and saw Kuwabara and Yukina walking towards the stand. Well, Yusuke can't have idle hands anymore. There was something about idle hands that he was supposed to remember. He started to think it has something to do with ma-

"Yusuke, what's the special for today?" Kuwabara asked.

"Get a damn menu- that's what," Yusuke replied with a smile.

"Dude, come on. The costumer's always right. We're gonna go on a journey right now so we need full stomachs!"

"Can't you cook for yourself, Kuwabara?"

"Yukina needs to have someone to cook for her every once in a while, too."

"Yeah, well, where's your journey to? A gazebo?"

"Well, I thought we could visit Mr. Hiei since he wasn't had the chance to come here. I haven't been in that area in a while. Or at all… I don't quite remember…" Yukina thought about it and shrugged. "I miss him so much." She opened a menu. "Do you have mojyayaki? He told me it's really good. It's his favorite."

"It is?" They all asked at the same time.

"…How much do we even know about this guy anyway?" Kuwabara asked. Then they decided to compile a list of things that they actually knew about Hiei:

He's under five feet. He likes monjyayaki. He might like metal, horror movies with gore, and _Left 4 Dead._ He slept int rees a lot… maybe. He likes dogs and thinks cats think they're better than everyone else. He would eat just about anything. He might have diabetes. (? Not even they knew why that was a possibility.) Apparently he likes Mukuro a lot. He stated his reason as the fact that he likes her style… of what they don't know. They also didn't exactly know what kind of relationship they had. (At which point Kurama made a face. Old alliances never die, apparently.) He might be Ass + 1 who holds the highest score on DDR. He hates Guitar Hero and Gitarou Man. He might like X Box games. If not that, then he likes the Wii or the Playstation 3.

"This list… sucks…" Yusuke sighed. "Hey start another list. I wanna see what we know about Mukuro."

"Okay." Kurama took out another sheet of paper and wrote EVIL, which took up half the page.

"Dude, seriously? What do you have against her?" Kuwabara asked. "Do you imagine him and her together and it's too weird to think about or something?"

Not that argument again. "She killed people! You know who else killed people? Hitler!" Even the people on the street stopped and gave him a WTF look.

"So did Hiei. And you don't hate him. There's gotta be more to it. Are you…?"

"For the last time, I am _not _gay." He slammed his hands on the counter so hard that he knocked his empty bowl over. Then he realized what he just did and that it might be incriminating. Not that he was secretly gay, or anything. "…Check please."

And so they compiled another list, in addition to EVIL: King of demon world that happened to really like statistics for some reason. She likes the number seventy-seven for some reason. She's short and has weird colored hair that can be described three different ways. Apparently older than Kurama… making the possibility of her being Hiei's girlfriend much, much creepier. She killed people for some reason. Kurama hates her. She divides by zero when she cooks. Sleeps a lot. Likes Raizen for some reason and Raizen liked her for some reason. Is smarter than most people, except maybe Kurama. (Possibly to pacify him.)

"…Man. This sucks," Yusuke sighed. "Maybe we should go see them. That's it guys. I'm closing up shop. Ley's go visit these guys."

"But you haven't cooked for us yet!" Kuwabara whined. "I want my yakisoba!"

"…Have it your way." He also stole that line from Burger King. Just like most of his other jokes these days. (As a side note, he hopes to one day wake up with Keiko and say, "Wake up with the king.")

/-/-/

Meanwhile in demon world, our friends were having trouble dealing with… Well, they were bored. And this was a pretty common thing these days. Hiei was slouching in a chair while Mukuro paced in a corner. Kirin sat legs crossed and tapping a finger on the arm of his chair and Shigure sat next to him, watching Mukuro in her trek. Apparently he found something fascinating about one of the five women in the building walking back and forth. Then again… _one of five women in the building._

"Dammit, someone get me something to drink…" Hiei mumbled.

"Get it yourself, ass hat," Kirin replied in the same tone of apathy.

"Mukuro…"

"Don't ask her."

"Shigure…"

"You…" Then Kirin realized this was the opportunity for something to happen. In fact, Mukuro even stopped her pacing and Shigure's eyes were on him. Hell, for once this means that most people were looking at him again and that this would give him a chance to show Mukuro that he's still useful. But considering his competition was Hiei, he might not have to try hard. "If you don't get it yourself right now, then I'll kick your ass over there."

"…That wouldn't be so bad."

"You lazy… That's it." Then Hiei stood up and walked out of the room and came back with a bottle in hand. He glanced at Kirin who nearly dropped in disappointment. "You idiot, you're not supposed to get up and walk out."

"Just remembered I'm going to need my ass for something."

"Like what?"

"I dunno. But I'll need it." They all sighed. Once again, Hiei ruined the possibility of something eventful happening by playing the maverick. At least he's not the Sarah Palin kind.

Mukuro started pacing again and then stopped. "You know, there's that closet that I don't let anyone go into…" You know, the one that the guys secretly assumed hid her collection of porn. Or yaoi. Or whatever women use for that kind of stuff. Not that they really thought a classy person like her would use that. Also, they assumed Hiei was her outlet for that anyway. …Also, Hiei thought it had a nuclear and an X Box in there. He loves his X Box. "…And I have some monster in there. I could kick down the door and let it out into the world." They were practically standing on top of her. Instead of being slightly scared like a normal person, she turned around and calmly kicked down the door. Except not because she had to swing it open.

Instead of some epic lawyer or insurance salesman, they got a dark matter demon. They all sighed and Mukuro handed one of them a newspaper. Having smacked the crap out of it, they all resumed their previous activities.

"Man, Hiei, I don't see why you don't do something with Mukuro and leave us alone to throw glowering looks at you," Shigure said, actually hoping Hiei would go off on him.

"Why would you do that?" Mukuro asked.

Hiei turned to her, ignoring that question. "You wanna find something to do?"

"…Not really. I have something to do."

"Like what?"

"I dunno. Not hang around you." Hiei just got pwned.

"You know, I could just operate on you guys…" Shigure said, nudging Kirin, whose interest was piqued, like he was in a forties cartoon that he likes. "Let's see… Kirin, I can see you with some crab claws. And Hiei, I think you would be happy with some wings. And Mukuro… You could use a scorpion tail."

"A scorpion tail, you say?" Mukuro stopped to think about it. Then she shook her head. "No, that's completely ludicrous. What in the hell would I use a scorpion tail for? I've been perfectly fine using my bare hands for such things." You don't wanna know what she was thinking.

"I dunno… Maybe you can get wings, too…" Hiei said, still in thought.

"You're not really thinking of going through with it, are you?"

"Well, my shirts always disappear when I fight so if I had wings, I'd have an excuse. And then I can fly so I'll never worry about traffic again."

"Hiei, you never worry about either one of those things, I don't see how…"

"Crab claws would be useful…" Kirin added.

"Not you too…"

"Yes, come on back with me and we'll get this taken care of!" Shigure waved his arms around, leading them away like a couple of sheep to slaughter. Mukuro wanted to say something but decided that it was better not to say it this time. At least things will be exciting for a few weeks.

/-/-/

**And so… The epilogue**

So Yusuke, Kuwabara, Yukina, and Kurama went to demon world happily… Actually Kurama wasn't happy. He could have used this time to clean out his mom's garage. But still they walked in the building (or centipede as they all remembered it from that day on, which Kuwabara thought was pure nightmare fuel). And the first thing they saw was Shigure who had crab claws, bat wings, and a scorpion tail. He studied them for a while, and then he finally recognized Yusuke.

"You're looking for Hiei, right?" Shigure asked.

"Yeah… Did you always have those?" Yusuke asked.

Shigure always wanted to be in the secret police so he replied, "Yes. I always have and if you think otherwise you should check yourself into a mental hospital."

"Are you tormenting people again, Shigure?" Mukuro asked, sounding more than a little excited. Shigure turned to her and told her they were looked for Hiei. the suspense died by… Hell, there was no more suspense anymore. "He's in his usual corner. You should know that."

"But… Can I stay here?"

"Shigure they're…" Then she glanced at the visitors and became aware of the fact that they were mostly demons and the only human she didn't know did have spirit energy. She couldn't use the "But they're human" argument anymore. They turned to each other and just stared.

"…I just remembered I was getting a fitting for a chicken suit…" Shigure said. Whether or not he really was getting one was unknown… Until a couple months later when he started walking around in one every Friday. He called it casual Friday. Anyway, he decided he would also get Hiei's lazy ass up on his way to the dimension hidden in the mouth on the wall.

Then Mukuro was aware of the visitors still standing there, eyes wide. She started thinking they wanted her autograph for being some female general in some weird kingdom in another world. But that also never happened. …Did it? "So, Urameshi, is there a reason you came here today?"

"Uh… Well, mostly to escort these two over here," Yusuke said, pointing a thumb at a mildly disturbed Kuwabara and Yukina. "I don't trust Kuwabara with directions mostly." And that was a truth.

"What'd they want to come here for?"

"To visit Mr. Hiei really…" Yukina replied, who immediately decided that Mukuro wasn't really that creepy at all. Then again her main philosophy is that a friend of a friend (or coughbrothercough) is a friend of hers too. "But we also might not meet you either. You must be.." She paused to think about it and looked at the look on Kurama's face. He looked like he was given a box of chocolates that was really filled with dog turds. That confirmed it. "You must be Mukuro."

She simply replied, "Yes." She was tempted to add, You must be Hiei's sister Yukina. But that was just in poor taste. Hiei probably wouldn't let her sleep for a while. Then Hiei came.

Hiei looked at everyone. "…This is an intervention isn't it? What'd I do this time?"

"…They just came to visit you."

"Oh… Can we have an intervention anyway?"

"For who?"

"You can be addicted to laundry soap and I could be a recovering alcoholic returning back to my old ways."

"You _are_ an alcoholic."

Kurama whispered Yusuke, "Do you understand any of this?"

"No, but I think we _will_ need an intervention…" Yusuke replied, eyes wide.


	9. Prisoners of War

**Forever Yesterday**

Notes: Uh… I'm quickly running out of ideas… Uh… yeah. This one really changed from my original idea only because I forgot where the hell this was supposed to be going. It's been happening a lot lately. I'm probably going to stop at sooner than fifteen. But it will be fifteen at the most at this point. The next might even be the last, I dunno. We'll see what happens.

9. Prisoners of War

The scene is a dark room, similar to a dungeon. The room is filled with twenty men sitting at a table that looks like the typical image of the King Arthur round table, though they weren't exactly what you would call 'knights." There was one man, or what could be thought of as a man, standing in front of a window, twiddling his fingers behind his back. He turned around, a smirk on his face.

"Well, men, I think it's time we get them for real," the man-boy-creature, Shura, said.

A large man stood up and raised his hand, waving it around like a five year old in a classroom. "What do you mean, boss?"

"My god, have you not been listening to my master plan this whole time? We capture the two other former kings and then that means I have political power. I can finally become king and everyone will bow to _me!_" He laughed. "I think we start right now…"

"But it's dark outside!" the same man whined.

"And I'm tired!" chimed another. And then he took the chimes out of his throat and repeated his complaint.

And another: "I have to go to the bathroom! I'm hungry!"

"Oh for fuck's sake. Fine, we wait until tomorrow. Because obviously those two would be completely off guard during the day," Shura growled.

"Off guard for what?" an unfamiliar voice asked. Everyone in the room turned around to see Yusuke Urameshi.

Shura pointed to him. "Get him and lock him away!" He followed the crowd into the basement where the cells were. As the men turned away, Shura indicated to them that they could all leave and that he would remain in the dungeon. Once he was alone with Yusuke, he walked to the bars of the cells and laughed. "Yes, you have nowhere to go now, do you?"

"Well, duh. I'm in a cell. The hell kind of question is that anyway?" Yusuke asked. "You really suck at being a villain."

A voice from the cell next to him said, "I know. I could do worse stuff that in my sleep."

"What the… Mukuro? How the hell did you let yourself be captured? You can blow these guys to bits if you wanted to."

Mukuro's voice was drowned out by Shura's, who said, "Yes, she walked right into my trap! This time, she will be making a permanent stay and there's no one there to help you. You're just a helpless woman now Mukuro!"

"…Is that all you have to say for yourself, Shura?" she sighed. "Yusuke, he never catches me. I just walked in this time. I do it every once in a while because I get a real good night's sleep in these cells. I would live here if I could."

"What the hell…? What about, you know, Hiei?"

"…Exactly, I finally get some peace and quiet and I get to sleep all I want. It's a pretty good life."

Yusuke wasn't sure whether he should despair more over his friend's strange relationship with this woman who may or may not be dating him in any sense of the word or agree that his friend in question was actually a pretty annoying person when it came down to it. Just when he was about to come to a decision, the door was kicked in and in walked Hiei, his sword in hand and a burning glare pasted on his face. At which point, he removed the crudely drawn caricature of his expression and he glared at Shura.

"You bastard, release Mukuro or your head will be rolling on the floor!" Hiei growled. Mukuro groaned. "Dammit, Mukuro, quit getting yourself captured. I could just leave you here for the rest of your life. I don't have to do this for you, you know."

"I would like that, actually. I haven't gotten so many great naps in my life. It's amazing. I actually think life's worth living now."

At that moment Shura's minions entered the room to tell him that Hiei had entered the building, but when they saw him in the room, their jaws dropped. They then turned their weapons on him.

"You still think you've got the upper hand, Heidi?" Shura asked with a smirk.

"Really? First of all I could kill you all in my sleep and second of all that isn't even close to my name at all." He sighed, and held up his arms. "Fine. I'll just go with it." Mukuro then opened the door to her cell and beckoned for him to come into the cell. "Mukuro. The fuck…?"

"You either get to save me or plague me by being in the same cell as me. You can't have both, Hiei," Mukuro said. When he walked into the cell, Shura glared at her. "You don't really believe that your dumb as brick minions could drag me over here against my will. Even if you disregard the differences between our power levels, I've seen guys in the Echo company that are smarter than these guys and those are the ones that always blow off their hands on grenades."

"Shut up, Mukuro! Go shut up and get pregnant and bleed for a week for all I care because whether or not they are smart doesn't matter because I've got you in a cell now!" And to add to his statement he flipped the bird… except not because he actually used his index finger.

Mukuro would have liked to point that out, but she decided that she would let him hang in his stupidity. She thought about walking out and slaughtering him at that moment but if she did that she would have no place to have a vacation until Hiei decides to ruin it like he always does. Actually she would hold that against him later on. She'll cook him something later even though he doesn't like it. All of that was peripheral information so instead of taking that statement sitting down (or laying down as she really was) she responded with, "Kid don't make me call your father."

"That- that doesn't scare me anymore, woman!"

"Wait, does your dad even know that you do this?" Yusuke asked.

"Who cares, I'm gonna be king of the world!"

At that moment, the door opened and there was Yomi, standing on the last stair step. He turned his head to the side, listening to everyone in the room, scanning the room to see if he recognized anyone. His brows twitched when he realized that he did know Yusuke, Hiei (just by the feel of his presence), and Mukuro were in the room in addition to Shura. "Shura, are you trying to take over the world again?"

"Shut up, dad! Go in the cell!" Shura growled.

"I get to be a prisoner again? Oh boy!" He did a little two step and then let the minions throw him into Yusuke's cell.

"Yes, now I have the three kings now. No one can stop me now!" Shura gloated to himself, then kicked one of the minions to join in his laughter. "The world is in my hands!"

"You don't really have all the kings. That's impossible because Raizen's dead," Mukuro said. She knew everyone turned to her, even if there was a wall blocking their stares, she could still tell they were all turned to her. "What, someone had to say it and if I have to be the one naysayer then you can all fuck your own mothers so I can get some sleep for once." And with that she rolled over on the cot and fell asleep.

Yusuke, who felt extremely disturbed having thought Mukuro was the classiest person he knew, even to the point where he could have swore she had some sort of British accent like that PR one or something, shifted uncomfortably in his seat. "Uh, and you don't have Enki either so you're still screwed."

"No, I will be able to hold all of you ransom and then he will have to give me power!" Shura laughed maniacally.

"Did you clean your room, Shura?" Yomi asked.

"No, shut up dad!"

"You can't take over the world if your room's dirty."

"I hate you, Dad! You're ruining my plans!"

And so Mukuro ended the whole argument, "Everyone just fucking shut the fuck up so I can fucking get some fucking sleep you fucking motherfuckers."

It was silent for ten minutes. Hiei, who hated silence so much that it made him want ti puke, said, "Shit, you _are_ tired."

"Hiei, don't fucking make me get the fuck up and cut your fucking throat into bloody fucking pieces."

Shura smirked and walked out. After a couple of hours, Hiei finally cracked again, "…How long are we going to be in here? It's getting dull."

Mukuro decided to pick him up and throw him out of the cell, where he passed out. Whether it was the terror that did it or the force that did it, no one knows. All they knew was that if they ever pissed Mukuro off they hoped they would forgive her and that she will get all the sleep she wants even if it's for years on end.

Of course Shura had to walk in. He looked at Yusuke and walked to the cell. He looked at Hiei then at Yomi. He shook his head. He walked to Mukuro's cell even though the other two shook their heads at him vigorously to warn him.

"Did you do this, you horrible bitch?" Shura asked.

The cell door opened and Mukuro walked out, and then Shura realized she was still taller than him. She grabbed- no, yanked him by the wrist- and they left the room. There was a series of ominous crashes and screams for a few minutes before Mukuro finally came down the stairs step by step. She threw the others a glare and asked, "So anyone else got a problem?"

They both shook their heads and bowed to their sensei. For a moment, she thought _Fuck yeah._ Then another thought came to mind, _I've still got it._ And the final, _I just want some damn sleep…_


	10. In Search for World Peace

Forever Yesterday

Notes: Hey guys, this is the last one only because I ran out of ideas for this. If anyone ever wants to see more stories posted under this, then please feel free to send me suggestions for anything that could happen. So until further notice this will be completed. Thank you for your support until this point… all two of you.  
As a side note, at some point in this I mention something called Lively Little Hiei-chan's book. It's some doujinshi a friend of mine sent me in which I guess Hiei is three years old and it goes through important parts of the series in which he's that age. She sent me the one chapter called "A Special Day" which if you had never read the manga would mean absolutely nothing to you. If you're too lazy to go seek that chapter (chapter 172), it's basically the one with Mukuro's past... and stuff happens. That would take too long to explain. I could probably send you the file... who knows. Depends on how curious you are about it.

Story 10: In Search of World Peace

_Hello, I am Enki, current King of Demon World. My mission is to follow in Raizen's footsteps and be as good a king as he was. But I don't have enough experience in world affairs or politics- unless you count what people say in bars (my wife's rants when she's a little tipsy) My first order of business was about getting the three ex-empires of Demon World to get along, and to help me figure out how to get this done, I ordered Mukuro and Yomi to come talk to me, and hopefully get them to help me in other ways. But the problem is… They really don't get along. STILL._

"Okay, so I call this meeting to action," Enki said. He looked at the two other demons at the table. Mukuro was busy investigating her nails, to avoid knowing she was in the same room as Yomi while Yomi strummed his knuckles on the table. Enki cleared his throat, "So I know you two know why you're here, and I hope you two both know that I need your help urgently. If we're to make sure that the world can unite peacefully, then I need some extra advice before I make a mistake."

It was silent.

His face twitched in anxiety. "Um… So I'm not sure what to say, so if you could just start and give me suggestions and we could… debate it, I would… appreciate… it?"

Mukuro looked up. "Well, you should realize that it would take several years at the least for the states to ever live in peace? I'm not just saying this with the obvious social problems in mind. These states have different strengths and they can't exactly work together."

"There you go away with your stupid ideals, woman," Yomi said. "Of course we can coexist."

"Then explain."

"It's obvious. We all speak the same language."

Mukuro paused and waited. "So that's it? That's all you have to say for yourself?"

"What, you have a problem with optimism? This is why your kingdom failed."

"No, I'm saying it's unrealistic until you happen to come up with an argument that makes an iota of sense. Of course we all speak the same language, but there has to be some sort of other explanation about how you seem to think that everyone can coexist after over five hundred years."

"What convinces you that this wouldn't work?"

"What about you?"

"Well, you guys, I could use some… suggestions, so if we could get back to the topic," Enki said, his face twitching more.

"Honestly, sir, I think that I would be your only help at this point. I don't suppose Yomi would in any way be able to tell you what you can improve on since he's so convinced everything is fine as is, though he hasn't even the maturity to attempt to put aside any qualms he holds against me in order to do anything for you," Mukuro replied. "Personally what I'd propose is by starting out by putting advisers and other programs within each state so if anyone travels outside of their previous homes they wouldn't remain outsiders. Anything else you might do would have to take time. Like I said, there are deep social issues in between each state and that would make everything much harder to deal with."

"Nonsense. Though what you just said only implies that you think the states do coexist!" Yomi replied.

"Are you… I'm saying it can be possible, I suppose, after several thousand years when all the nationalists are dead or senile."

"What? By you killing them all?"

"You did the same, did you not? You even let slavery just slide in your country. What the bloody hell do you think that's going to do? If anyone's guilty of genocide or senseless killings, it's you."

"Excuse me? I'm not the one who forces my people into doing things they don't want you. I'd hate to imagine what you do to that poor fellow that's less than one sixteenth your age from what I'm gathering."

"So not only are you accusing me of being a tyrant _as you always do_ but you're accusing me of being a rapist?" She picked up a thousand page Stephen Ki- sorry, thousand page book listing all of Demon World's laws, getting ready to hurl it at him. But there were two problems with doing so: One, Yomi could easily tell that it was coming his way and dodge it and Two, it was a god forsaken book of laws and she wasn't willing to seem like an anarchist at a meeting like this. "I ought to give you a beating, but that would require an explanation. And a nice sharp blunt object. Besides that, where I'm from we don't hit little girls."

"Ha-ha! A woman telling me that? I suppose that doesn't apply to little boys."

"If you had eyes, I would rip them out this minute!"

"Okay, both of you- this has to stop!" Enki said before silently apologizing since he didn't enjoy yelling at other people who were more or less his age… maybe. Though, the point is that unless you have rosy cheeks and talk in some sort of pseudo-lisp that comes with being a child for some reason, Enki will refuse to scold you without feeling bad. In fact, thinking of Lively Little Hiei-chan's book, makes him cry every time, especially when he got smacked by… holy shit, Mukuro! That horrible woman. Can't treat children right. But he couldn't find it in his heart to scold her about it… and then he wondered what Mukuro was like as a toddler and thought of her with chubby toddler legs. And then there was Yomi and Raizen who he also made into toddlers… it's… so… cute, he can't help it. It's so much squee fuel but god help them if they eat all the breadsticks, they will all get a bad spanking…

"Is he still with us?" Yomi asked. "I feel blood rushing to his… I'm not sure I'm entirely comfortable with this situation."

"Pssh, you're the one who decided to make this conversation uncomfortable," Mukuro replied.

"I don't need to make it uncomfortable, you do it just by walking in the room with your screwed up face."

"You can't even see therefore, you cannot be the judge of that."

"You have not heard what everyone says about your scars."

"That's besides the point. You can't judge a visual impairment without being able to see with your own eyes. Do you mind waking him up? I actually have something important that I should be getting to in twenty minutes."

"You don't have anything to get to."

"You also seem to think disagreeing with me is your sole purpose in life. Let's say… the sky is blue."

"Nonsense, the sky is red. Look out the bloody window and you can tell. I know it is and it will always be so!"

"That's the answer to that. Now would you wake this man up so we can get through this meeting and will you actually give him something he can work with so he can think that we've helped him in some way?"

"What, so he quests for brains never knowing that he had some all along?" She shrugged and Yomi grabbed the book of laws and dropped it, removing Enki from his fantasy involving screaming at the toddler kings. "Well, now that I have your undivided attention, I guess I would like to agree with Mukuro that some sort of embassy be placed in each of the three states in order to ensure that things run smoothly as people move from one part of the world to the other. I would also like to remind you that it would be best to start teaching some sort of multiculturalism in schools so that children can help change the adults. If you want change, you should start with the youth and then they will grow to change the rest of society. We can coexist quickly only because I'm sure the people in the world would be able to see what really bunds us all together since there are no borders which bar us from doing so. I have no other suggestions other than to wait and see. If you decide you still have problems then you should call me personally since someone in this room refuses to comply."

"Well… Meeting adjourned," Enki said and the two other demons walked out.

Yomi stopped Mukuro in the middle of the hall. "Mukuro, I have something to ask."

"The answer's no," Mukuro replied.

"You don't even know what I was going to say."

"The answer's still the same."

"I was going to ask if you had time to meet me later."

"The answer has changed. It's now Hell No."

"Don't you miss conversations like this?"

"…You mean these stupid quarrels?" She thought about it. Dammit, when she gets home, Kirin will complain to her about Shigure's piercings and then Shigure will complain about his pain and how he hates his job and then Hiei would complain about how he hates everything and no one ever wants to spar with him and some other guy will complain about the heater and the nose guy will complain about his allergies and "…I suppose. What's your point?"

"You want to carry this on at the park a few weeks from now about noon?"

"...Okay, sure. Now please… go away."

(See story two.)


End file.
